Shaking Against the Altar (2001)

It was in 2001, the second year Wonder Voyage’s existence, when I found myself huddled and shaking against the cold stone altar on a hill in the south of Wales. My family and I were halfway through our second straight summer in Ireland, leading voyages for churches from the States.   We had a two week gap until the next church group arrived so we decided to take a brief holiday in Wales. We arrived at Ffald-y-Brenin, a superb retreat center perched atop a hill overlooking the magical Gwaum Valley. Thankful for the retreat, we were ready for a much needed rest.  The next day, as I explored the property, I came upon the circular chapel.  Built in an ancient Celtic design, I marveled at both the simplicity of the architecture and the depth of peace that resided in the small room.  The most striking feature was the altar.  It was literally the top of the mountain.  The chapel had been built to encapsulate the rocky peak.

As I sat in silence drowning in my thoughts. The last two years had been spiritually, physically and emotionally exhausting.  Sitting there, I found myself praying the same prayer I had prayed hundreds of times since I started Wonder Voyage. “Lord, if you are ready for me to be done with this, to walk away, and start something, anything else just give me the word.” Wonder Voyage was a dream significantly bigger than me. The responsibility of creating and executing spiritual journeys was invigorating yet utterly terrifying. I would often wake up from some sort of night-terror having to do with me missing some vital detail on a trip which caused an avalanching disaster.  The whispers of the naysayers of my past telling me I wasn’t qualified enough or spiritually ready boomed in my ears with every major decision I had to make.

Sitting in the chapel, without any distraction or any sound, I started to shake.  As I lay upon the stone altar the dam of my soul broke as tears poured onto the rock. Once again I prayed, “Lord, if you are ready for me to be done with this, to walk away, and start something, anything else just give the word.”

For some reason, this prayer that I had spoken hundreds of times was, at this moment, a final act of desperation. In my heart, I wanted the voice of God to clearly release me from Wonder Voyage.  I loved the concept and leading trips. I rejoiced in seeing lives changed. But I knew it was too big for me to handle. Walking away would be much easier than moving forward. This may be hard to believe, but the empty room suddenly filled with a Holy Presence. My tears dried up and I clutched the top of the mountain as if I was about to be pulled off it by some gigantic hand and crushed. I did not dare open my eyes. In my heart, a clear declaration rang over and over again. A hurricane of words tore at my spirit as I held on for dear life. I did not hear the words.  I just knew them instantly: “Enough Shawn. You will never ask me to release you again! Go forward and be what I have created you to be!” The atmosphere softened as I vowed to never doubt the call to pioneer Wonder Voyage.  One final questioned echoed as a parting shot from the Lord. “Who will be in control of Wonder Voyage, Shawn? Who will you trust?” So on that day it was settled. Wonder Voyage would move ahead as long as God remained a hold of the reins.

This year Wonder Voyage celebrates 10 wondrous years of existence. We have taken thousands of people on pilgrimage and mission adventures to over 40 locations around the world.  We are debt free and have given over 1.3 million dollars worth of service hours. Our staff has grown to over twenty gifted individuals who are some of the most experienced and creative trip leaders in the world. As we continue to trust God the future looks unbelievable with the birth of Boundless Expeditions and the creation of ShawnSmallStories.com.  Who knows where that trust will lead us?

Tagged as: Ffald-y-Brenin, history, Wales, Wonder Voyage